Sunday, May 31, 2009

How does this thing work?

After several people telling me I should start a blog I figured why the hell not? This will be the place where I post all the goofy shit that happens to me in my travels with The Action Report. I am always saying to myself "Why didn't you write that funny story down BEFORE you drank the 10th Makers and Coke?" Now maybe I will. Just a quick warning: Since this is just some random ramblings of mine this blog is uncensored. If four letter words bother you just go ahead skip this whole thing.

My biggest influence is the same as every other person who has started a blog with anything to do with pool: The legendary OMGWTF. I am very lucky to call Miss WTF a friend and fellow traveler of the often absurd and always fun pool road. Yes OMG I am gonna do my best to be the 110th unimaginative jack off to try rip you off. No need to thank me.

The title of the blog comes from a bumper sticker a buddy of mine I used to work with had on his tool box. The fact that the bumper sticker was for a dive shop just made it even more special. It pretty much sums up where I am in my life. Despite all the dumb shit I have done in my life I have a great job with some great partners and it allows me to do some really cool stuff. So far I have been tough enough to fade some of the dumber decisions.

This blog is meant to be a kind of unofficial TAR thing. It is just my personal musings on different things and should not be taken as a reflection of anybodies opinions but mine. I will post some pictures that do not go up anywhere else and just basically write down whatever crosses my mind about hopefully more than just pool.

Just to see if I can post pics, here is one right out of the Twilight Zone that is Las Vegas during pool tournament season.

Yes ladies and gentlemen that is future world beater Johnny Morra.

In a blonde wig.

Getting kissed by a strange hawt chick with a flower in her hair.

That's just how we roll.

I could tell you more about this night but I do not want to get into the full on self incrimination thing in the very first post. Suffice it to say a good time was had by all. Sometimes I really like living in Vegas. Random shit just seems to happen. Sometimes it is even good. Like last weekend.

I just want to say right up front that Joe Rogan is the coolest motherfucker in the history of cool motherfuckers. If there was a Mt.Rushmore of cool motherfuckers Joe would be right up there next to John Wayne, Alex Pagulayan and Warren Haynes (I have eclectic taste in cool motherfuckers).

I met Joe through TAR. He is a very knowledgeable pool guy and knows his shit about high end cues as well. When I moved to Vegas I finally met him in person and have hung out a few times playing pool when he was in town for the UFC.
Last Thursday I knew he had a fight and a stand up show that weekend in town so I called him to see if he wanted to hit some balls. He was busy but offered to hook a brother up with some seats to his stand up show at the House of Blues the next night and mentioned he might have a ticket to the fight as well on Saturday. My weekend suddenly looked pretty damn cool.

Friday night I went to the Mandalay Bay with Mark Griffin to sweat Joe in action. I have only been to one other comedy show and it was a local thing in Indy that was cool but didn't really blow my hair back. I had seen a bunch of Joe's stuff on Youtube and his site and knew this was going to be on a whole other level. Man was I right.

The show opened up with Joey Diaz. He came out and grabbed the crowd by the throat and didn't let go. He was hilarious. A rough quote from Joey:

"I hate you 23 year old bitches. Give a 23 year old a shot to kidneys and call her a dirty whore she is calling 911. Grab a 40 year old by the hair and call her a dirty whore and she will look at you and say "How did you know?"

Up next was Ari Shaffir. I had hung out with Ari a few times playing pool and he was always a pretty quiet and reserved dude. His stand up is less aggressive than Joey's but just as hilarious. He had the whole crowd rolling. It was really cool to see a guy I had met in "real life" doing something as hard as standing up in front of a room full of strangers and keeping them laughing for an entire set. Stand up really is an art IMO. The timing, originality and just plain balls it takes is impressive to say the least.

After Ari finished his set he introduced Joe and the place went nuts. After about 10 minutes I was literally hurting from laughing so much. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard for that long. Joe told a story about him, Mark Coleman and a couple of single A league strippers in Georgia that had me crying. There was so much great shit in his set I wish I could have recorded it just so I could go back and crack up all over again. Joe has a
comedy special on Spike airing on June 20th. It is the first one Spike has ever done and they could not have picked a better guy. Watch that shit.

Oh yeah...the coolest part of the night? Joe gives me a shout out right on stage during his set. Absofuckinglutely awesome. It was one of the most fun nights I have had in a long time. It was matched only by the next night, again thanks to Joe. He hooked me up with two seats to UFC 98. I need to make this clear, these weren't just seats. These were SEATS. Fucking big baller Jay-Z and Diddy on a 48 hour Vegas coke bender seats. 6th row on the floor in the MGM Grand Garden arena with 18,000 crazy ass fight fans going batshit.

Like I said, when they build that cool motherfucker Mt. Rushmore Joe's place is secure. Thanks for an awesome weekend I will never forget Joe.

I will post some more stuff later. I think I might dig this blog thing.